Are You Using Fear As A Leadership Tool?
When my 7- and 10-year-old kids dilly-dally when it's time to leave for school, I start to get anxious. My mind races into the future, stuck in philosophical parenting thoughts about what strategy I would take should they miss the bus.
My voice gets sharper and more urgent as I implore them to act with the same sense of urgency I feel. When they don't move, I threaten to yell at them. Sometimes, I actually do yell at them. And it works, for the moment. They get up, put their shoes on, and head out the door. But they resent me for treating them that way.
Yelling is not something I'm proud of. Here I am, a supposed leadership expert, resorting to 'command and control' leadership tactics. But I'm also human.
We're more likely to lead using ‘command and control’ tactics when time is tight, when we're feeling anxious, or both. Even though this is the 21st century and we supposedly know better thanks to tons of solid research on motivation and positive psychology, leaders still using fear every day as a method to get what they want from their people.
When leaders use fear to motivate, it doesn’t always look as obvious as me yelling at my kids. Here are some everyday examples of what you might hear a leader say when they use fear as a motivator:
"Management is now going to join the night shift to provide oversight."
"I just want to remind everyone, if this mistake happens again, you'll get written up and have that document in your file."
"If my boss told me they needed this report, I wouldn't be able to sleep until it was done."
"Why didn't you do this task in the way we talked about?"
These examples show how wielding the power that someone in an organizational system has over someone else. Creating a ‘power-over’ dynamic naturally evokes a fear response.
But you might be thinking: So what? It works. Sometimes team members need a little oversight. Sometimes they should be afraid – this is important work that needs to be done right.
Yes. Team members should be clear on the importance of the work, and oversight can help quality control and learning. But how it’s executed matters. Eliciting a fear response inherently means you’re not getting the best from your team members.
What happens in the brain and body when people feel the various, more-subtle versions of fear -- anxious, threatened, confused? Well, blood flow actually leaves the brain and goes to one’s primal functions and reflexes. Are you getting the best thinking from your people in that case? The answer is a big fat no on that one.
What leaders can do instead of using fear as a tactic for motivation:
Use inquiry to find out what's really going on. (Tone is really important here).
Partner in a shared problem solving effort.
In every single interaction, show that you're on the same team.
Leading from a place of partnership, curiosity, and vision is not easy. Word choice matters. Tone matters. Attitude, and the way you're seeing the problem (your framing matters. Say out loud what you're trying to do. Describe what right looks like. And then put proactive energy into helping things go right, rather than getting all fired up when they go wrong.
On the days that I do yell at my kids to get their butts out the door, I make an intentional effort to circle back with them after school when the emotions have cooled. I apologize for yelling and engage them in solutions that can prevent the urgency in the first place. It. is. not. easy!
