Unmasking Workplace Codependency: A Leader's Journey to Freedom
When we embark on our leadership journey, our family dynamics can show up in unexpected ways. I've been there, caught up in the subtle trap of workplace codependency, not even realizing how it was affecting my team and our collective growth.
What is codependency? Melody Beattie, who has written multiple books on codependency, describes it as taking normal behavior to the extreme—crossing lines we might not even be aware of. While commonly associated with personal behaviors, it can seep into our leadership style without conscious awareness. This learned behavior often leads to overextending ourselves to the point of burnout, avoiding difficult conversations at all possible costs, rescuing people from the mess they've created for themselves, and caretaking other people's needs while neglecting our own in the process. Unfortunately, the workplace tends to reinforce and enable this type of "selfless leader" without realizing the toll it takes on us and our teams.
Breaking free from the codependency journey as a leader involves some necessary steps:
1. Awareness: Start by being gentle with yourself. Identify two to three ways codependency is showing up in your leadership path and explore the underlying needs or origins behind this behavior. Is it low self-esteem, a need for control, people-pleasing tendencies, making excuses for poor behavior, or meeting your needs through meeting other people's needs? Remember, you always have the power to choose responsibility in a way that serves you.
2. Boundaries: Practice setting one boundary at a time. Boundaries are expectations that leaders need to thrive at work. Clearly define your work hours, help your team while guiding them to problem-solving independence, and establish protocols about deadlines and projects.
3. Take care of yourself: Learn how to love yourself in and out of the work hustle. Leaders must embrace self-care without guilt. By taking care of yourself, you are taking care of your team. Allocate 15-30 minutes each week to an activity that rejuvenates and uplifts you, and block it out in your calendar. This small investment in your well-being has a ripple effect on your leadership and team dynamics.
Throughout this transformative process, trust in yourself. The answers are within you, guiding you toward effective leadership that goes beyond achieving work success. It's about nurturing a balanced, resilient, and authentic leadership approach.
