Decode and align your micro-messages to become a more impactful leader
Whether we intend to or not, we’re constantly communicating nonverbal messages to our teams and clients through:
What we wear.
What car we drive.
What time we arrive.
What Zoom background we pick.
What facial expression we hold or amount of eye contact we give.
They’re called micro-messages and they have a powerful influence over our relationships and leadership effectiveness.
Unfortunately we can’t just turn off micro-messaging (or others’ continual interpretation of them!), but we can become aware of what messages we’re sending and whether we need to better align our behaviors and actions with our intentions.
Here’s How to Increase Your Leadership Impact with Micro-Messages
“Micro-messages live in the space between what we intend and what others experience.”
Early on in my leadership coaching career, I drove a not so sparkly, dented minivan my daughter ironically named "Sparkle White." While I loved the functionality, I didn’t love the mom-centric messages it communicated. Today, my bright blue Kia EV9 effectively communicates how I want to show up at work — as someone who’s both practical and passionate about sustainability, clear in my values and able to bring some fun too.
So let me ask you this: are your nonverbal behaviors effectively communicating how you want to be seen as a leader? If not, or you’re unsure, let’s work through it together. Sending the right or wrong messages will impact your success.
Step 1: Observe Others’ Micro-Messages
Start building awareness of micro-messages by decoding others’ nonverbal cues in the workplace before you get vulnerable with your own.
Here’s some questions to get you started:
What’s their posture?
How are they speaking?
What are they wearing?
What are they giving their attention to?
Then determine how these messages influence your perception of them. Do they add or subtract from their credibility and receptivity?
Remember to be careful of judging others without sufficient data — micro-messaging is heavily influenced by context and culture. And importantly, micro-messages can lie.
Step 2: Evaluate Your Values and Micro-Messages
To understand if your micro-messages are reinforcing or contradicting how you want to be perceived, let's hone in on your values. As a leader, what 3-5 qualities (ie. approachable, strategic, grounded) do you want to communicate to others?
Now reflect on where your nonverbal communication might be aligning or misaligning with those qualities.
Ask yourself:
If someone met me for the first time today, what would my nonverbal signals suggest about me?
Where do those signals reinforce my intention — and where might they conflict?
Awareness and alignment matter as our words don’t always match our behaviors. For example, we might say “I’m fine”, but have a tense tone and avoid eye contact. Misaligned micro-messages can degrade others' trust in us, create confusion and betray our own values.
Step 3: Obtain Outside Perspective
Micro-messages live in the space between what we intend and what others experience.
That’s why receiving outside feedback is so valuable. The persona we think we’re projecting might be entirely different from how others are experiencing us.
Invite a trusted colleague or friend to answer a prepared list of questions. If this feels scary, take a moment to shift your mindset for difficult feedback conversations.
Consider questions such as:
What nonverbal behaviors stand out — positively or negatively?
When I walk into a room, what energy do I bring?
What impressions do I give in meetings?
When do I seem most confident, approachable or credible?
Our colleagues have likely picked up on patterns in our nonverbal communication and can provide important insight on where our leadership intentions might not match our impact.
Step 4: Make Small Shifts to Align Intention and Messages
If you’ve been sending the wrong micro-messages, you can always change course. Now we’re not talking about completely rehauling your entire identity, but rather, enacting small shifts that can compound over time.
Here’s ideas of small shifts you can make today, just pick one:
Adjust your meeting presence
Update your Zoom background
Arrive five minutes earlier
Choose clothing that better reflects your role
Match your facial expressions or posture to your words
Doing the “micro-messaging work” means understanding and supporting the story you want to tell about yourself. Swapping “Sparkle White” with my Kia EV9 allowed me to intentionally align my behaviors and values. What’s your own version of “Sparkle White to Kia EV9” you can shift on the smallest scale?
Summary: Why Micro-Messages Matter and how to improve them
We continuously communicate both intentionally and unintentionally, verbally and nonverbally, through our words, actions, behaviors and choices.
Micro-messages shape how others see us, especially during first impressions.
As leaders we aren’t always aware of what our micro-messages communicate and the wrong messages can hinder our success.
Micro-messaging work begins at the gap between intention and impact.
Making small, intentional shifts to your nonverbal communication reinforces your leadership values, and also increases your success.
Special thanks to Communications Expert Michael Allosso for inspiring this week’s blog topic!
Coaching and 360-degree qualitative feedback are powerful tools to help you understand and improve your micro-messaging. Let's work on aligning intention and impact together.
